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I do I do I do believe in spooks, I do I do…!

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Cowardly Lion drawing ©Soula MantalvanosIt’s my anniversary today. Seven years from the day my (and Theo’s) life changed. I’m heavily considering changing my beliefs… did I break a mirror?

I’m not superstitious, but if it means owning up to breaking a mirror I’d be more than happy to change my views. So long as at 11am today, this Pudendal Neuralgia (PN) issue goes away and my original, very well, non aching body, returns to my hardly affected exterior.

‘But hang on Soula, keep writing, unfold and expand those squally thoughts’, thoughts that flow from positive and grateful, into negative and hopeless, and end up reality checks that tell me, ‘well, you’re making progress‘. This is a mantra in my mind daily and I have to keep reminding myself that the mantra once was simply, ‘you’re getting worse‘.

I’d do anything to be able to replace my last seven years, or at least be able to go back to the injury when that ball burst, and have another go at repairing knowing what I know now. Would it be different? I definitely think so.

But life doesn’t give you that opportunity, so I’ll steer my thoughts focusing on what I’ve got to really believe in, the tangible that’s in front of me.

  • I have great love in my life and will share my day with Theo, we can head up the road for a drink and perhaps he’ll make his famous roast chook tonight,
  • Shout myself a small gift, a new journal perhaps, that is often how I mark my occasions. I use them to pace up my weight lifting, the last one I bought is 1.5 kilos,
  • I have my creativity with which I can express myself, perhaps I’ll draw
    • crystal balls,
    • cards of sevens (spades, diamonds, hearts and clubs),
    • Ms Soula who still blows me away, or…
    • a cowardly Lion that never faces the steep job of fronting his fears and finding his courage, thus ignoring the huge difference he can make for others.

I don’t have to believe in spooks to know what to do at 11am today when nothing changes. I just need to look around and see I’m conquering something bigger than a wicked witch, something that could have buried me if I’d not faced my fears.

I’ll choose not to believe in spooks but keep battling for the Wicked Witch’s broom. And one day, soon I hope, I’ll realise it’s not superstition that’s needed to battle PN. I’ll realise that what I needed, I had, and what it took from the start to beat PN, was always in me ‘I just had to find it out for myself‘.

(Scene from The Wizard of Oz, in the Wicked Witch’s forest)

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  • Bam's Kitchen

    Hello Soula, I am hoping that the magic spell releases today at 11am. However, if it does not I know that you will continue to be a positive leader in your struggle with PN. BTW, I know that I need to add or contact someone from the Pudendal hope Organization board to add some Hong Kong physicians, physical therapists or orthopathy physicians to the list. How do I go about doing this? Take Care, BAM

    • Soula Mantalvanos

      Thank you gorgeous Bam. Your words are a great strength today. It’s a tough day but yes, we turn from the focus on ourselves and try and support and help each other. What else is there to do with this damn pain? I tried to reach your HK specialists. Can you email me the details and I’ll forward them. I’ll also add them to my website.

  • Pat J

    Can’t say I quite understand this????? Talking about courage to beat or deal with your PN?? I’ve been doing that for years!!!!!

    • Bam's Kitchen

      Hello Pat, I know you must also be a very strong person too. My thoughts and prayers go out to you as you sound very stressed today. I hope tomorrow is better. Take care

    • Soula Mantalvanos

      Pat do you mean you’re not making progress and not coping? I feel I am making a bit of progress. I’ve come a long way with my treatments. I had no quality of life before. I’ve achieved so much since diagnosis and my pain levels are quite low most of the time. I believe it takes a great deal of courage to face this pain and the mountain we must climb daily.

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Definitions of pain

What is Pudendal Neuralgia (PN)?
Most simply put PN is Carpal Tunnel in the pelvis/buttocks. Compression of the Pudendal Nerve occurs after trauma to the pelvis and is aggravated with pressure. The pain is often described as a toothache like pain, with spasms, sensations of tingling, numbness, or burning. It can be very debilitating.

What is Neuropathic pain?
Neuropathic pain is the result of an injury or malfunction in the peripheral or central nervous system. The pain is often triggered by an injury, but this injury may or may not involve actual damage to the nervous system. More…

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